Sunday, April 1, 2007

Babies.

I love babies. I would love to own one someday. And the greatest thing is, I can make one all by myself! Well, OK, not all by myself. Not that it's an arduous creative process. I really doubt anyone has had as much fun sculpting as they do making babies. Proof: many sculptors ALSO make babies, but not everyone who makes babies sculpts. Is it called "Sculpting in the City?" "The Joy of Sculpting?" Nay! ("Sculpt" is a very funny word, the more you type it, and it starts to look a little obscene. Sorry, tangent.)

It's very easy too. People spend years writing books, months painting...it takes, well, varying degrees of time -- up to 30 hours if you're Sting or Diddy, apparently, but that's just because they're inefficient -- to make a baby. Oh, and I guess the nine ensuing months of discomfort and hormone surges, but I'm going to discount that. BABIES!

Anyways, I've decided my babies (yes, plural; I like symmetry, and I think it will make my home all feng shui) will receive roughly half their clothing and all of their reading material from wrybaby.com. I stopped in at the stationery store a few blocks down and snapped up this gem for my expectant friend.

I usually don't cry from laughter in the middle of a store while reading a picture book -- I had to get a napkin from the coffee store across the street to clean up my laughter-induced snot -- but GOD IT IS FUNNY. I thought to myself, please, please, think of a pregnant friend or one with a baby to justify the purchase of this book -- and fortunately, I recalled that Therese is indeed with child. Thank you, Therese. Otherwise I'd have to go to the bar down the street and get knocked up tonight so I could legitimately buy it.

Of course, the snag in my plan is that I'll eventually have to let this book go when I give it to her. But that's OK. Like a child, we must let go of those (things) we love so they can bring joy to others...or mature...dammit, my metaphor is way too clunky. But I'll be ready to let it go. She's got a few months before she has a bonafide kid, after all.

Please, friends of mine, have some babies so I can buy these things for you. It's gonna be a while until you can buy them for me.